I got a massage a few weeks ago. It.was.glorious.

I could definitely get used to that! It was a Christmas present from my sweet friend Jessica.

I left my oldest home with the twins. I fixed them a good dinner, explained my expectations & added in a trip to the prize box as an incentive for good behavior.

I left early, with enough time to stop & grab more food & drinks for the twins birthday party, which was rapidly approaching.

That party was one for the books, I might add.  Close to 100 friends & family converging on my parents farm for pony rides & a bounce house.  You only turn 4 once, right?  I had been planning it for weeks.  With so many in my life struggling with health issues and awful diagnoses, I planned this party to celebrate life.  No presents (some people did not follow directions). Just the faithful who have prayed over & poured into these babies.  These unexpected blessings that rocked our world 4 years ago.  And good food & fun of course!

My massage was scheduled from 7p-8p. Normally I don’t go out that time of night,

It’s bath & bedtime & potential meltdown time. All y’all mamas know what I’m talking about, don’t ya?

But my husband had been out of the country for 2 weeks. I have a fractured foot that I’ve been walking on for 2 months, but I don’t know it.  I have bronchitis but haven’t taken the time to be seen by the doctor.  It’s high school softball & toddler tball season. I’m tired.  I’m sore. I’m overwhelmed. I am craving some me time.

I waffled between being excited & thankful for this chance to relax, to feeling guilty & selfish.

Why didn’t I schedule this for daytime when the kids are in school?

Is my oldest ok for a few hours without me?

People will probably think I’m spoiled & lazy.

What do I need stress relief for? It’s not like I have a job. Lots of moms work fulltime, have more kids than I do & still keep it together. Their houses are cleaner. Their kids better behaved.

These are the thoughts that are running through my head. Condemning me. Making me sad. Making me feel guilty.

But wait. Feelings aren’t the boss of me! It is what it is. Feelings are very real, whether valid or not. But they don’t control you! They might be trying to, but you can put a stop to that.

I’m a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, & friend when I’m not a stressed out.  When I’m not so busy chasing the thoughts in my head, when I can look into my kids eyes and really listen to what they are saying.

Don’t let thoughts condemn you.  Don’t let those supposed judgements of others steal your joy.  Most likely those judging you are not actually judging you.  They are too busy managing their own circus.  And if they are, so be it.  I’ve decided it’s really none of my business what people think of me.  That’s their business.

As we approach another Mother’s Day, let’s remember to bless not only our moms & spiritual moms, but lets not be too hard on ourselves.

We are all doing the best we can.  We are loving & raising our kids, our husbands & our families.  Accept the grace offered to you, offer it to others.  Have faith in the one who blessed you with your babies.  Be a light to those who may be struggling to find their way in the dark.  Be a blessing & accept the blessings offered to you.

So get that massage mama. Take that 15-20 mins for yourself. Eat that ice cream in the bathtub after the kids have gone to bed.  Make time for that girls night with your sisters, that lunch with your best friend from high school.  Enjoy breakfast with your girlfriends.  Schedule & pay a babysitter if you are able to & go out to dinner with your sweetheart.

Be kind to yourself mamas.  God gave your babies exactly the mothers they need.  Be the best one you can be.  He’s got you.  And you’ve got this motherhood thing. Happy Mother’s Day my sweet friends!