Summer of surrender

One of my mom friends uses the term summer of surrender to describe her journey this season.

I don’t know if that is her term, but it resonates with me.

She has 3 little ones. Bless her.

I am experiencing an interesting summer.

On the surface, factually it’s a good one.

I’ve been to the beach with my girls.

I’ve had a successful yardsale.

I’ve applied for a fantastic job.

We are planning another beach trip.

I’ve lost 25 pounds since the beginning of the year.

What you might not see, that I’ve experienced, is that I’ve been accused of doing things I didn’t do.

I’ve been cursed at.

I’ve been talked about.

I’ve experienced physical pain.

My family is under a tremendous amount of pressure to please numerous people.

I’ve circled the wagons.

I’m trying very hard to forgive those who have blatantly hurt me.

I’m seeking counsel from women I trust.

I’m being honest with my family about what I’m experiencing.

I’m praying daily, sometimes hourly for peace & for God to fight for me.

I’m tired.

My husband is tired.

We are raising our girls together & trying so very hard to raise them well.

I’m seeking that peace that passes all understanding.

God doesn’t fail.

Nothing surprises Him.

He has good plans for me.

I have hope & peace & faith,

I pray I can extend grace & mercy & forgiveness.

I am hurt & honestly angry.

I’m angry that my sweet mom is having to love her sister through the aging process.

I’m angry that my uncle is facing yet another battle with cancer.

I’m angry that these things are happening to people I love dearly.

People who have loved me since the day that I was born. They have been a rock in my family.

I’m fearful of the future. I’m being honest here.

I’m thankful for my faith. I’m thankful for my husband. I’m thankful for my kids.

The summer is not over.

We are gonna swim.

And chase & catch chickens & ducks & kittens & dogs.

I’m totally putting Emma in charge of that activity.

I’m too old for running, bad things happen when you’ve had 3 kids & you are in your 40s and you attempt to run!

We are gonna play wiffle ball & kick ball in the front yard.

We are going to watch the mama deer & her set of twins in the backyard.

We have a thing for twins around here.

We are gonna check on my dad’s cows & try to remember that they are in the field and are not in fact bears!

And I’m gonna try to slow down & listen for that still small voice that I’ve known since I was a child.

And I’m gonna do what I do, love & feed people & write & read.

I’m gonna visit & pray & share my love.

And I’m gonna let God fight my battles.

Happy summer y’all!


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