It’s been a while since I felt like I had something worthwhile to write. Something worthy of sharing here. I’m not sure how this post will come together, but I’m praying the Lord gives me the words to write.

Yesterday I got the news that one of our youth from church had committed suicide.

I was shocked.

I was sad.

I literally kneeled in my little area where I do my devotions & I just cried & poured out my heart to God. And I prayed.

I prayed for his parents.

I prayed for his siblings.

I prayed for our youth group.

And I questioned God.

Why did He allow this?

Why didn’t He stop him?

How could this happen?

I’ve heard well meaning people say not to question God.

But, ya know what? He created me. He knows how my mind works. He knows what’s in my heart.

There is no sense in pretending that I understand. No sense in acting like I don’t have questions.

God is big enough to handle me & my questions.

I may question the why of this tragedy, but I don’t question who God is.

He is still faithful.

He is still good.

He is still on the throne.

He is close to the broken hearted.

I think if you don’t understand, it’s ok to ask Him.

I don’t understand why He doesn’t save that baby you are carrying.

I don’t know why your loved one is facing cancer.

I don’t know why He doesn’t heal our loved ones this side of Heaven.

But circumstances don’t change who He is.

I’ve been loving Him for most of my life and He is good. Even when I am not.

If you are struggling with questions, cry out to Him. Let Him shoulder your grief.

If you find yourself feeling hopeless, feeling like you would be better off dead, please know that you matter. You were created for a purpose that no one else can fulfill.

You are not alone. Please don’t make a permanent decision for a temporary situation.

Be honest with yourself & be honest with someone else. You are needed & there is nothing that cannot be worked through.

The picture in this post was sent to me last night. Emma & some of her friends were goofing off at the youth group Christmas party. It was taken about a month ago. They surrounded Isaiah & he just smiled & let them take their pictures.

I think he was smiling most every time I saw him.

Smiles don’t always mean everything is ok on the inside. Check on your friends & loved ones.

Pray for this family please.

Isaiah, you were very loved & will be missed.