The email from Red Robin seemed to scream at me, hurry in for 15% off! Immediately I thought oh yum, I love Red Robin. I mean, have you had their Tavern Burger? And steak fries with their amazing ranch dressing?! So good!

Food is definitely my love language. And I didn’t lick it up off the ground, as my PaPa used to say.

So many family memories are wrapped up in delicious meals in restaurants.

Or BLT’s at mom’s on Sunday afternoons.

Or after preaching lunches at my Grandma Knight’s sweet little house.

Or fun burgers & hotdogs & chili at my sister Kelly’s house for birthday parties. (My husband says her chili is the best & consistently tells me that mine doesn’t quite measure up, bless him.)

Or pizza & salad & chili dip & cookie cakes & cornhole outside at my sister Kim’s birthday celebrations.

Or fried bologna sandwiches & Pepsi over crushed ice with a straw & Whoppers (the chocolate malt candy, not the BK burger) at my aunt Winkey’s.

As I get older I enjoy remembering these precious times. And they seem even more precious as the years go by & some of our loved ones that we shared these meals with are no longer with us.

That email from Red Robin felt like a gut punch when I started thinking about all the times my sister Kelly and I ordered the petite cheeseburger with lettuce & mayo (just a smear of mayo for her if you please!).

It felt like a gut punch because right now we can’t even go out & eat at a restaurant because of stay at home orders.

It feels like life will never be the same, like we have lost something very precious.

It also hit me hard that Kelly may not feel like eating out any time soon.

She fought breast cancer in 2018 into 2019. And now she is fighting again, this time against this cancer that has metastasized.

It feels like she just got relief and a chance to get back to normal life. Although I’m sure her perspective on what she wants normal life to look like has probably changed since going through treatment.

It just feels unfair.

It just feels bad.

It just feels overwhelming.

It just feels scary.

And these are MY feelings. I can only imagine what she is feeling. And her kids. And her husband. And our mom & dad.

But I learned a long time ago that I can’t live my life based on my feelings. They will trip you up every time.

I have to remember that this did not surprise God.

I have to remember that He is still faithful.

I have to remember that He is holding Kelly’s right hand (and all of us that love her.)

I have to remember that He is bigger than my feelings.

I have to remember that He can handle my anger, my fear, my frustrations & my questions.

I believe that restaurants will reopen. And I believe Kelly & I will eat our cheeseburgers together again. Although they don’t make the petite one anymore, we will have to upgrade to the Tavern.

I believe we will have more family celebrations together. And who knows, maybe I will finally learn how to make Kelly’s chili? Probably not though.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for your patience & understanding.

I know life is scary for a lot of people right now. I know what our family is going through is not special, that many families go though these things.

It helps me to write my feelings out. And it’s my blog, so I do what I want.

All jokes aside, thank you for reading.

Thank you for praying.

You are so loved!