I lost it with my kids today.

I am ashamed, embarrassed, frustrated.

For the most part my kids are great. They are not heathens.

Today they acted like entitled, spoiled brats.

The complaining.

The whining.

The bickering.

The way they treated each other.

The way they treated me.

It. Was. Not. Good.

And I lost it.

I don’t even know if I should go into specifics…. but both their grandmas read my blog sometimes, so I guess I should explain what their normally sweet grandkids did.

They exhibited absolutely no patience with each other. The teenager snapped at the littles over a simple request.

The littles ignored the teen’s directions.

They all ignored me.

I asked 2-3 times for them to do things…and yet they did not. And informed me they were not going to do it.

I felt like I was begging for help.

This was all over a course of several hours.

After giving the same specific directions AGAIN and being ignored once again, I lost it.

It was ugly.

It finally got their attention.

Things started to get done.

I started to calm down.

We had a talk. Things got dicey when one wasn’t listening & one was talking back.

The teen offered to take them to the pool.

As much as I hated to let them do something fun, it seemed like rewarding bad behavior, I decided for my mental health they needed to go.

And I ran to my prayer chair.

I turned on my faith playlist. (Not really, I don’t run, but in my head I was running.)

I read my devotion.

I wrote in my prayer journal.

I cried out to my Abba Father.

I couldn’t even form the right words or thoughts.

I just cried & listened to praise, and prayed I need you Jesus.

I realize this sounds ver dramatic, but it was like everything hit me all at once.

Yes my kids were brats & needed time be dealt with.

But once the tears started flowing I was crying for so much more.

For my sister who is fighting cancer again.

For loved ones who just need Jesus.

For wisdom for upcoming school decisions.

For fear of sickness,

For fear of losing our freedom.

For all the things we have lost & are losing during this Pandemic.

For all of my failures.

It was a cleansing, purifying cry.

Nothing magical happened.

In fact, the teen called while I was writing this to tell me the littles are misbehaving at the pool.

So my circumstances have not changed.

But I’ve talked to my precious friend, my good good father, my Jesus.

And it is well.

Writing is stress relief for me. I don’t know if this will help anyone or not.

But never underestimate the power of a good cry. And a good talk with your Heavenly Father who adores you.

And a snack & a nap. They might be next on the agenda.

And remember this promise:

Nevertheless I am continually with you, you hold me by my right hand-Psalm 73:23

You are so loved.