Shocking revelation forthcoming.

Brace yourself.

I’m ashamed to admit…

I haven’t been to the dentist in 8 years.

I would rather have a baby with no epidural than get my teeth cleaned. And I know what that feels like!

There. I said it. Change my mind. Just kidding. I don’t want you to try to change my mind. Work on world peace, something easier.

My gums are leaving me. They are slowly creeping away from my teeth. I blame 4 years of braces.

Sooo there are some nerves that just can not be touched. I’ve had a gum graft which is a miraculous procedure! But even that miracle can’t cover my entire gum line.

I also have a little porcelain “filling” that lays over the front of one of my bottom teeth where the gums are ridiculously receded.

It broke. Which is what brings me to the dentist. I don’t really have a dentist. So I called my older sister’s dentist. She’s been telling me for years to go see them, that the hygienist is wonderful. And patient. And gentle. She said she notices when Kelly is white knuckling before she does. That’s impressive.

Miraculously they are able to see me the next day!

My mom, bless her, meets me at the office & takes the littles home with her. After a Chick-fil-A run of course.

I fill out my new patient paperwork out & nervously wait in the waiting room.

All too soon I’m in the plastic covered chair. Staring at my cute pink Pumas. (I’m so glad I splurged on them with my birthday money, they just make me happy! And they have memory foam, so they are super comfy! Ugh when did memory foam become a selling point for me?!)

I’m super nervous so I’m doing the nervous chatter thing with the sweet dental assistant. She sticks some sort of numbing goop on a giant q-tip, places it gently in my chubby cheek & I clamp down.

Then my chair is reclined. It’s go time.

It tastes horrific. I immediately start salivating. I need to swallow. I don’t want to swallow my nasty goop tasting spit. So I start to panic. I remind myself to breathe. She offers the suction thingy.

Ahhh relief.

Next step, numbing via needle.

The dentist is extremely gentle. I feel a prick, I’m thinking this isn’t so bad. And he continues to apply pressure & slowly excrete more Novocain. He keeps applying pressure. When is he gonna stop?

Through the overhead speakers I hear the Fugees gently croon…

Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song,
Killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song.

I think to myself, well isn’t this the perfect song for this moment in my life?

You will be happy to know I did in fact survive the procedure. And I lived to see another day.

But before I could escape, they made me an appointment to clean my teeth.

For the first time in 8 years.

Have mercy.

Stay tuned…